The Paradox of Self-Improvement: When Does Trying to Improve Make Life Worse?

We are constantly encouraged to improve ourselves: develop better social skills, become healthier and more attractive, earn more money, build better habits, become more productive, and find greater fulfilment. In principle, trying to improve our lives seems like a good thing. And often it is. Learning new skills, changing unhelpful habits, or working towards meaningful goals can make our lives substantially better.

But there is an interesting paradox. Some prominent people in the self-improvement industry have reflected on ways self-improvement can become counterproductive. At the same time, some consumers of self-improvement content report that trying to improve themselves has actually made aspects of their lives worse.

For example, self-improvement might contribute to constant dissatisfaction, excessive self-monitoring, unrealistic expectations, perfectionism, or spending so much time trying to improve our lives that we forget to actually live them.

So, when does self-improvement help us—and when might it become self-defeating?

In this discussion, we'll explore questions such as:

1. What do we mean by self-improvement? 2. When does trying to improve ourselves actually make our lives better? 3. When can self-improvement become counterproductive or self-defeating? 4. Does the self-help industry encourage useful self-improvement, excessive self-improvement—or both? 5. What responsibility do we have as consumers of self-improvement advice? 6. How can we know when to keep improving and when something is already “good enough”?

To get the discussion started, I'll bring a few examples from self-improvement writers and from people describing their own experiences with self-improvement online.

No preparation is required. Come ready to share ideas, experiences, and perspectives.

We will also have time to talk about ourselves and brainstorm ideas for future meetups.

See you soon.

Ángel